Your Boyfriend Sleeps Knowing You’re Upset – Why & What To Do
Hey there! If you’ve ever found yourself crying while your partner sleeps soundly, you’re not alone.
I’ve been there too.
Sometimes, it feels like a blow when your partner doesn’t notice or care about your distress.
Let’s dive into why this might be happening and what you can do about it.
6 Reasons your guy can sleep knowing you were upset
I had an ex who was uninterested in supporting me emotionally.
He would tune out when I needed emotional support.
He might say something dismissive or ignore what I say entirely.
And I gradually stopped talking about stuff altogether.
And at some point, we went our separate ways.
But now, having a man who holds me whenever I cry, I see the difference.
So here are some reasons your man sleeps knowing you’re upset:
1. Different emotional needs
Not everyone responds to emotional distress the same way.
Your partner might not react in the way you expect or need.
Sometimes, it’s not that they don’t care, but they might not know how to support you in the way you’re hoping for.
Talking openly about what you need when upset is a good idea.
Sometimes, when I cry at night, my husband might be asleep.
But once he hears me, he wakes up and holds me.
He used to ask me why I was crying.
But I told him I couldn’t talk while crying.
Because I need to cry my fill and talk after. Lol.
So he holds me until I’m done, then we talk about it the same night or the next day.
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2. Uncertainty about how to help
Some people are unsure how to handle emotional situations.
If your partner has little experience comforting someone in distress, they might struggle with how to respond.
A gentle conversation about what you need can guide them in offering better support.
3. Assuming you need space is probably why your boyfriend sleeps when you’re upset
Your partner might believe that you want space when you’re upset.
They could assume you prefer to be alone and will talk about it when you’re ready.
If this isn’t the case, let them know how you feel and what kind of support you need during these times.
4. Understanding your coping mechanism
Everyone has different ways of coping with stress.
Once in a while, life gets overwhelming, and I cry just to let out steam and move on.
And sometimes, I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’m crying.
My husband used to be worried when he saw me crying.
But after telling him it’s my way of coping with stress, he now understands.
He sometimes asks me if it’s my monthly dose of crying, which always makes me laugh.
If your partner knows that crying is your way of processing emotions and doesn’t necessarily mean you need immediate conversation, they might feel it’s okay to let you have your space.
Explaining your coping mechanisms can help them better understand your needs.
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5. Need for rest
Sometimes, your partner might be exhausted and need to sleep, especially if they have a demanding schedule.
It’s not always about disregarding your feelings but about managing their own well-being.
If this is the case, it might help to discuss finding a balance between rest and being present for each other.
Sometimes, when I cry and my husband wakes up, or even if he’s awake, he holds me and says, “Babe, let’s sleep.”
He’s a doctorate student.
So I understand if he needs to sleep.
But he would hold me, and we’d fall asleep together and talk in the morning.
6. Feeling manipulated
If crying becomes a regular tactic for getting attention or changing behavior, your partner might become desensitized over time.
It’s important to reflect on whether your emotional expressions are being used strategically and ensure genuine communication.
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So what can you do if he sleeps while you’re crying?
Communicate your needs
Open up about how you feel when your partner doesn’t acknowledge your distress.
Share what kind of support you need- a hug, a listening ear, or just their presence.
Honest communication can bridge the gap between expectations and reality.
Discuss your emotional support preferences
Let your partner know what helps you when you’re upset.
For example, if you need them to stay awake and comfort you or if you prefer to process your feelings before talking, share these preferences with them.
And he can support you in the way that’s best for you.
Reflect on your own needs
Consider why you’re feeling upset and whether it can be addressed directly.
If you find yourself frequently distressed, it might be helpful to explore underlying issues or seek additional support.
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Spend time with loved ones
Balancing your emotional needs with support from friends and family can be beneficial.
Sometimes, it helps to have a broader support network and not rely solely on your partner for emotional comfort.
When I just started living with my boyfriend (now husband), I used to cry a lot.
And that’s because I was missing home.
So, I went home every weekend to see my family.
It helped me deal with that sadness or homesickness.
Also, when we moved to the US, I cried a lot.
Because I was far from home and in a new place, starting a new life with unique struggles.
And meeting people that became good friends and family helped a great deal.
Spending time with your loved ones, besides your guy, might help a lot.
Evaluate the Relationship
It might be worth reevaluating the relationship if your partner consistently fails to meet your emotional needs despite open communication.
You deserve a partner who supports you in the best way for you.
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What you must know
Now that you know why he can sleep when you’re crying, here’s what you must know:
You deserve love and care
Feeling like your partner is indifferent when you’re upset can make you feel unloved.
Remember, you deserve love and care.
Wanting your partner’s support when you’re down is completely normal.
There’s nothing wrong with needing that comfort and affection.
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting to be shown love.
It’s okay to breakdown sometimes
It’s also important to know that it’s okay to have moments when you break down.
We all have those tough days.
Some of us might try to bottle everything up, but that’s unhealthy.
It’s okay to cry and let someone hold you while you sort through your emotions.
You don’t have to hide your feelings.
It’s also okay to leave someone who doesn’t show you love
Lastly, it’s okay to reconsider being with someone who can’t be there for you when you need them.
Sometimes, you only need them to sit with you in silence and offer their presence.
If they can’t do that, and it’s affecting you deeply, it’s worth considering whether this is the right relationship for you.
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who supports and makes you feel valued.
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Conclusion on why he goes to sleep knowing you’re crying
Handling emotional support in a relationship can be challenging.
If your partner seems indifferent when you’re upset, try discussing your needs and expectations openly.
It’s crucial for both partners to understand and respect each other’s emotional needs.
I hope this post helps you understand why your partner might react the way they do and how to address it.
If you found this helpful, please share it with others who might benefit.
See you next time.
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