Keeping In Touch With An Ex After Marriage. Is It Healthy?
The word ex in a relationship means a former partner in a long-term romantic relationship.
This practically means there is nothing intimate/romantic between you anymore.
So you choose to move on.
And most times, an ex-factor in marriage is a recipe for separation or divorce.
Especially when you prioritize your ex over your spouse.
And this post will discuss the dangers of keeping in touch with an ex after marriage.
Let’s begin.
Reality check
Think about it.
Why do you involve your ex in your present relationship?
When they couldn’t bear with you during courtship.
That you had to break up.
And now that you are married, they’re now an option/fantasy/bestie/standard?
Don’t you think something is wrong?
My personal conclusion based on my life experience is that:
It’s either you don’t know what you want or what you’re doing.
Or you’re not principled.
Because once you are married, it’s best to have no ties with an ex for a healthy, peaceful union.
Your ex can’t be your best friend when you’re married.
I was shocked when my wife told me I wasn’t her best friend but just her husband.
And at that point, I could aggregate all the behavioral changes and attitudes.
And I knew she had mortgaged the peace and happiness of the family.
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Most marriages are ruined because one partner is still hanging on to the past.
The involvement of an ex in your marriage could lead to emotional/mental damage.
As well as adultery depending on your religious/cultural/ social background.
The moment this illicit relationship starts, the followings are some of the consequences:
1. Feelings for your partner might depreciate
When we prioritize our friendship with an ex over our spouse, we might start losing attraction for our partner.
Because you’re investing more into that ex than your partner.
It can even get to the point where you’re no longer attracted to your spouse.
Which can also affect intimacy in your marriage.
And some will make excuses to avoid intimacy with their partners.
As a victim of an ex-factor in marriage, I was constantly denied to the point of feeling like an irritant.
When I eventually manage to get down with her, I leave regretting sleeping with her.
Because you’ll know that you just slept with a woman whose soul is elsewhere.
And all you have is a carcass.
I left the bedroom to sleep in the kids’ room.
That was the beginning of the crack in my marriage.
2. Keeping in touch with an ex after marriage can lead to unhealthy privacy
You may even become conscious of your body in your spouse’s presence.
Your partner can no longer see you in your birthday suit because your heart is with someone else.
And so, they’re no longer worthy of seeing you in all your glory.
Normally, after a bath, she would get dressed while I was in the room.
But as things changed, she stopped dressing up in my presence.
3. Actively keeping in touch with an ex can make you secretive towards your spouse
When you’re actively keeping in touch with an ex when married, you’d become secretive.
Especially when you know it’s more than just hellos and hi’s.
You may begin to act weird and can’t disclose your whereabouts.
Or your routine may become irregular, a total change from what your spouse is used to.
And you’re no longer comfortable leaving your phone around like you used to.
All of a sudden, she started to password her phone.
She would let me into one activity while she would engage in more activities that she knew ahead.
4. One might become irresponsible
Because you’re giving your ex more attention, you might start losing your compassion for your home.
Some may even be nonchalant about the welfare of the home.
Simply because they feel they don’t belong there and want out.
Your responsibility to the kids and your spouse will also be affected.
She went out and came back when she liked.
Not caring if the children are okay.
5. You might also start comparing your ex to your spouse
Keeping in touch with an ex after marriage can bring about irrelevant comparisons between your spouse and ex.
While failing to realize that what your ex couldn’t give you is what you enjoy.
But never valued it, probably because the spouse is financially challenged or having one issue or the other.
As long as it’s not violent and life-threatening, you choose to rob it in the face.
You might even begin to belittle your spouse.
My ex belittled me even in front of our kids.
At a point, it got to me emotionally and began to affect my health.
I started doubting my ability to live up to my responsibility.
When I went out, coming back home became scary.
My BP shot up.
And at this point, I spoke to my senses; it had to stop.
What happens to your union when you actively stay in touch with an ex-lover
Eventually, it breaks down:
1. Poor communication
When you stay in touch regularly with an ex, especially when feelings are rekindled, it might affect how you communicate with your spouse.
You might be unable to have a meaningful and tension-free discussion with your partner.
2. Or you begin to lose your friendship with your spouse
You no longer sit together to while away time as husband and wife.
One partner might be in the room while the other is sleeping on the couch in the living room.
Both partners not caring about each other.
3. Keeping in touch with an ex after marriage might break your trust in each other
Due to a change in attitude, one partner begins to suspect the other.
And once the trust is gone, it can break the foundation of the marriage.
4. Commitment to each other begins to fade
Another thing that happens when you keep in touch with an ex after marriage is your commitment starts to fade.
And when this happens, you don’t see the marriage as a permanent bond.
No sense of security between you and your spouse.
Therefore you’re unsure that your spouse will honor the union even in difficult times.
5. You’re no longer a team
Because you’re investing too much time keeping in touch with an ex, you begin to think as an individual.
You no longer think as ‘we’ but ‘me’
And you can’t solve problems together.
We ended up being roommates and not marriage mates.
6. You begin to lose respect for each other
At this point, conversations between spouses are laced with criticism, sarcasm, and even contempt.
She prioritized her ex above me.
Saying boldly that nobody could stop her from talking or relating with him.
7. Love is lost
Going through all the above stated, no love can exist in such a marriage.
And eventual calamity befalls the marriage – Divorce.
My final words on keeping in touch with an ex after marriage
Never allow a crack in your marriage to a point you allow an ex back into your life.
If you do, the ex will only wanna have a last bite of the pie and flee.
Leaving you in the ocean of your tears.
Don’t break your home for NOBODY because it might come back to haunt you.
All my best!
DAZZ
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