5 Things I Learned From My Parents’ Marriage
Everybody’s marriage is different.
But there’s always something to learn from your and other people’s marriages.
Whether the marriage was good or bad, there’s a lesson somewhere.
So don’t look at bad marriages and say there’s nothing to learn from them.
You can choose to copy the bad.
Or you take the bad, turn it around, and apply it to your relationship.
For instance, some people that experienced their parents’ good marriages make a point to treat their spouses right.
Or people who grew up with abusive parents decide that’s not the kind of parent they want to be.
So you get my drift now?
This post will discuss 5 things I learned from my parents’ marriage.
Let’s begin.
5 Lessons I Learned From My Parents’ Marriage
My parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect.
They had their good and bad days.
And while their arguments hurt us, the kids, we always looked for peaceful days.
Now looking back, I guess this is what I learned:
1. Proper communication is key
Looking back, my parents didn’t communicate well with each other.
They lost kids. And I lost my siblings.
So they were hurting from the loss.
They grieved.
They were angry.
Sometimes at themselves.
Other times at each other.
Most discussions ended up in arguments and anger.
Nobody was communicating how the loss or other problems affected them.
It hurts a lot thinking about it.
Now, what did I learn from this?
Always communicate with your partner without attacking.
And let your spouse know what you’re going through mentally.
Even just talking to -not blaming- them for what you’re going through can help ease the burden.
Please read 15 Tips To Communicate With Your Partner Without Fighting.
2. Don’t deny your husband food – a great lesson I learned from my parents’ marriage
Despite all my parents’ back and forth, my mom never stopped making food for her husband.
She would prepare his food and serve it in a beautiful Corningware dish.
And my dad, angry or not, would eat the meal his wife prepared.
My mom always says, “whatever you do, never punish anyone with food.”.
So even when she’s mad at my dad or us, she would still cook for her family.
And everybody will eat.
whatever you do, never punish anyone with food
my mom
What did I learn from this?
No matter how mad you are, don’t deny your husband food.
And I also learned better how to serve my husband.
So when that pride is sneaking up on me, saying
“he can make his own plate” or
“why do I have to take the plate when my husband finishes eating?”
I remember how my mom served my dad.
And how she treated my dad with respect in his home.
So I make it a point to take care of my husband.
Not that he can’t make his plate.
But I love making it for him.
Also, he says he likes it when I make him a plate because I do it with love. *smiles*
Please read 7 Things Horrible Wives Do To Their Husbands When Mad.
3. It’s no longer about you when you have kids
Like I said at the beginning, every marriage has ups and downs.
There were times when fights became the order of the day.
And my mom threatened to leave.
I remember she left once for a few days but came back because she was worried about us.
And she never left until my dad passed.
I cannot live in a world where my kids keep asking where’s mommy or daddy?.
Or I miss daddy. I want to see daddy.
And daddy is now this stranger that visits his kids.
Please, I just can’t.
me, Bree.
What this taught me?
I learned it’s no longer about you when there are kids involved.
I’m not saying you should stay in an abusive marriage.
Please seek help to get out of an abusive relationship.
But if you and your husband have problems, please try to make it work, especially if you have kids.
What happens to the kids if one parent decides to end the marriage tomorrow?
I cannot live in a world where my kids keep asking where’s mommy or daddy?.
Or I miss daddy. I want to see daddy.
And daddy is now this person that visits his kids.
Please, I just can’t.
So I’ll do everything I can to keep my marriage and home for my kids as long as my or their lives are not in danger.
4. Don’t kick your partner out of the bedroom
Another thing I learned from my parents’ marriage is to not kick your spouse out of the bedroom.
My dad is late now.
But all through my parents’ marriage of over 30 years, none of them slept on the couch.
It never happened.
I don’t believe it was even considered.
So I still find it weird seeing couples kicking each other out of the bedroom because they’re mad.
And it would always seem foreign to me.
My parents went to bed mad, but they always slept together.
Don’t treat your partner like they nauseate you because you are mad. Period!
me, Bree.
What did I learn?
Don’t intentionally create a divide between you and your partner.
No matter how mad you are, please sleep together.
You can even back each other on your bed if you like.
But don’t sleep in separate rooms.
Some people would argue differently, and that’s fine.
But I know you don’t treat your partner like they nauseate you because you are mad. Period!
Please read Why Your Husband Sleeping On The Couch After An Argument Is A No-no.
5. Never allow family or friends to interfere in your marriage
Oh! Family interfered a lot in my parents’ marriage.
Everybody from both sides had some advice or the other.
Family members were taking sides, playing the blame game, and whatnot.
And you know what happens when you listen to outsiders and aren’t communicating with your spouse?
Things will get worse.
So what this taught me?
Keep people out of your relationship.
Please don’t let them ruin it for you.
They may sound like they’re giving you good advice.
But that advice may not work for your marriage because your union is unique.
Family and friends tried to interfere when my husband and I married.
But we didn’t let them.
And that’s how we’ve been for years now.
So the best thing you can do is communicate with your spouse and work things out.
And if you need more help, seek professional counseling.
Please read How To Keep People Out Of Your Relationship.
Also, read 7 Clever Tips To Deal With Difficult In-laws.
Conclusion on 5 lessons I learned from my parents’ marriage
Again, no union is perfect.
But you can build a great marriage with your spouse by learning from others or your union.
A marriage might be imperfect, but from it, we can learn what to do or not do in ours.
I hope this makes sense.
So remember:
- Always communicate with your spouse
- Never deny your spouse food no matter how mad you are
- It is no longer about you when kids are involved
- Don’t kick your spouse out of the marital bed
- Lastly, learn to keep people out of your marriage.
I hope you find this post helpful.
It would mean everything to me if you shared it.
Thanks for reading.
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