Your Girlfriend Used To Date A Married Man – What To Do

Your Girlfriend Used To Date A Married Man - What To Do

Finding out your girlfriend used to date a married man can be hard to deal with.

As humans, our first thought is to judge harshly without thinking that our partners just opened a vulnerable part of them to us.

So before you decide what to do, take some time and think about it from every angle possible.

When I decided to write about this topic, I asked my husband his thoughts.

Because I wanted to approach this topic from a guy’s perspective.

And my husband is not one to judge people.

That’s one of the reasons I love him so much.

Luckily, with my husband’s influence, I’ve seen that relationships are not always black and white.

So, I’m happy to share my views about this topic from a man’s viewpoint.

Just ignore my voice and think of this as a man-to-man conversation.

And hopefully, you’ll make the best decision for you and your relationship.

Let’s discuss what to do when you discover your girlfriend has dated a married man in the past.

What to do when you discover your girlfriend used to date a married man.

1. Know that the way you feel about it is valid.

Before we get into the meat of this post, I need you to understand that how you feel is valid.

Feeling some way is normal when your partner opens up about their past.

But your next moves should be well thought out.

2. Talk about it but don’t judge her too harshly.

When your girlfriend opens up about dating a married guy in the past, you need to have an open-minded conversation.

  • Ask her questions.
  • Understand why she’s telling you something she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. Something she’s not proud of doing.
  • And please try not to judge her.

As I said earlier, you can be upset because you’re human.

But you must also understand that anyone can make the same mistake.

3. Give her credit for telling you the not-so-comfortable truth

Knowing your girlfriend dated a married guy is a lot to take in.

But it takes a lot of courage for her to tell you.

She might as well have hidden that from you.

Because people hide their pasts from their partners.

But she told you because she wants to be honest and open.

Imagine if you had no idea and found out later in life.

At least now she’s allowing you to know the uncomfortable truth about her.

And then you can choose to continue with her knowing her past.

Instead of feeling like you were deceived into staying with someone that kept vital information from you.

4. You must understand that your girlfriend made a mistake she’s not proud of.

For your girlfriend to tell you she used to date a married guy, she’s clearly not proud of it.

Or is she?

Did she defend her actions as the right thing?

If she was defending what she did, like it’s not a big deal, etc., your approach should be different.

But let’s say she’s not proud of her actions.

She knows that telling you may break or strengthen your relationship.

Also, she knows you might see her differently because of what you know about her.

But she told you anyway.

Because, let’s face it, some of us would hide this information to save face.

Opening up about a past you’re not proud of is difficult.

So please give her some credit for that.

5. Focus on the growth she’s achieved.

Another thing you must focus on is the growth she’s achieved.

As I said, it’s not easy to open up about what you feel ashamed of doing.

And she’s scared that you knowing she dated a married man might ruin your relationship.

But she shared her past with you still.

It takes a lot of maturity to face her past and then tell you about it.

Some of us are still afraid to share some things about our past.

6. Know that she believes you’re not like other guys.

Your Girlfriend Used To Date A Married Man - What To Do

Some guys say women shouldn’t share their not-so-proud pasts with their partners.

Because some partners cannot handle information like this.

And most guys would leave once they know our past.

I know of guys that left good relationships because they couldn’t deal with their partner’s past.

So imagine the fear your girlfriend is experiencing.

Somewhere in her head, she believes you might leave her once you know she used to date a married man.

But she also has a slim belief that you won’t.

That’s why she told you.

So maybe you’re not like other guys.

Or are you?

7. Leave her; if you can’t look past the fact that your girlfriend used to date a married man, it’s up to you.

It takes a lot of courage and maturity to look past your partner’s past.

But you can do it.

But if you believe your relationship will never be the same, you can end it.

It’s up to you.

But let’s talk about why leaving her might be a bad idea.

Things to consider before breaking up with your girlfriend that used to date a married man.

Why did she date him?

First, it would be best to consider why she dated the married guy.

I’m not saying it’s okay to date a married man.

But people do things for different reasons.

And who am I to judge?

Maybe the guy was good to her, and she fell in love with him.

And maybe he promised he would leave his wife for her.

And she fell for it.

But she realized it was all a lie.

You might judge her that she wanted to ruin a happy home.

But sometimes, your judgment can be clouded when you have feelings for someone.

Maybe that’s why your girlfriend stayed and dated the married guy.

There is no way to justify what she did.

But still, it’s her past.

And it happened before she met you.

And she’s with you now.

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Has your girlfriend given you any reason to think she’s unfaithful

Before you end your relationship, think about this.

Has she given you any reason to think she’s unfaithful?

Yes, she dated a married man in the past.

But right now, she’s dating you.

Is she cheating on you?

If the answer is no, please stay with her.

If yes, you can leave the relationship and move on.

Does she look like she’s over him?

Your Girlfriend Used To Date A Married Man - What To Do

Another thing to consider before you break up with her is:

  • Does she look like she’s over the guy?
  • Is she still in touch with him?
  • Has she shown any signs that she still wants to be with him?

If you answer no to all these questions, please keep your relationship.

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Does she want to date someone like him, given the chance again?

Before you break up with your girlfriend, also ask yourself this question:

  • Does it look like she’s still interested in dating another married man, given the chance?

Your answer to the question above should help you make the best decision.

But what if the married guy was her last boyfriend before you?

Some might say you should break up with your girlfriend if the married guy was her last boyfriend.

But I don’t think it makes any sense.

Because whether she dated him ten years ago or just last year, it doesn’t change anything.

The fact remains that she isn’t proud of it.

And she’s honest enough to tell you.

That’s what’s important.

Again, some people would lie to you because they can’t face their past.

Or they want to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend for you.

Also, if they believe you’re incapable of dealing with the truth, they’d never tell you.

So it doesn’t change anything whether he was her last or first boyfriend.

Things that could happen when you leave your girlfriend who used to date a married guy.

You might think it would be a smooth sail because you’re out of the relationship with a girl that dated a married man.

But it’s not always that black and white.

So let’s discuss things that could happen when you break up with your girlfriend that opened up about her past.

You leave her, find someone who has never dated a married man, and be happy.

You might find a new partner who never dated a married man.

And she doesn’t have any past that she or you are ashamed of.

And you feel like you’ve found the perfect mate.

But is that all you’re looking for in a partner?

How about what makes your current girlfriend unique?

What made you fall in love with her?

Is she a good person?

Being a good person and lover right now trumps her past about dating a married guy.

And what if your new lover decides to explore and date a married guy?

Another thing is that your new and improved girlfriend might decide that she didn’t explore dating enough before meeting you.

And she might cheat on you with a single or married guy.

Just because she didn’t date a married guy in the past doesn’t mean she won’t in the future.

Or maybe she won’t cheat on you.

And you guys will be happy.

That’s okay.

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But with your current girlfriend’s mindset, she might find a great guy too.

When you break up with your girlfriend for dating a married guy in the past, it will hurt her.

But she would recover from the heartbreak.

Then she might find a guy who loves and cherishes her for being honest about her past.

And they’d be happy too.

Because people are different.

And some guys would see her openness as a good quality which makes her more attractive to them.

And he would love her more for it.

So do you want to lose a great person because she told you about her past?

The decision is up to you.

Conclusion: What to do when you discover your girlfriend used to date a married man.

You must understand that some people would hide their pasts from you.

You’d date and maybe marry or be in a long-term relationship, and you’d never know a thing about their past.

If you take nothing from this post, at least give your girlfriend credit for being vulnerable with you.

And for giving you the choice of whether to continue or not.

I hope this makes sense.

If you find this post helpful, please share it.

Thanks for reading.

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4 Comments

  1. please I need help im dating the dream girl I plan to marry…problem is she just confessed to me she dated a married guy before she met me and only ended ut after she fell for me. She has been very honest and answered all my questions in sometimes uncomfortable detail. She didn’t know he was married and started dating him she found out later she dated for a bout a month and ended it when she met me. Problem now is I can’t seem to get over rhe fact that she dated him after she found out. I just have images in my head and I can’t just seem to get this thought and her behaviour out of my head I don’t know what to do. I love her still, I just can’t let go considering how low I rate girls who do things like this. Please help

    1. Hi Anonymous James,
      First, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, especially considering that you like this girl a lot.
      And you have every right to feel the way you do.
      But let’s give her some credit for telling you the truth.
      And like you said, she’s answered all your questions, even the most uncomfortable ones.
      Which means she’s honest with you.
      Some people will lie, keep that information from you, and take it to their grave.
      Now, I can’t say to throw away your morals about what you expect from a partner.
      But you can try to focus on the things you love about her.
      And if you can’t look past her affair with the married man, you can let her go.
      So it doesn’t lead to resentment in the future.
      But again, it depends on you.
      And if you decide to forgive her and build a future together, then you can’t use it against her even when you have misunderstandings.
      So take your time, think about it, and decide what’s best for you.
      I hope this helps.
      Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
      I wish you the best in your relationship.
      xx, Bree.

  2. Thank you Bree. I really want to be with her. She has never given me a reason to doubt her loyalty,faithfulness and commitment to me. I just wish it never happened. I’m sure now I shouldn’t have asked all the questions I did that definitely didn’t help. She says she really liked him and it wasnt easy to let go because she had feelings already before he told her he was married Hence the 1 month of dating before she met me.I just want to talk to someone about it. Maybe a counsellor or anyone you can recommend. I know she’s a good person. She’s full of regret, she is so ashamed and embarrassed by what she did. Somehow I feel I was her escape I don’t get why it took her meeting me to end it like I’m some escape latch or rebound. She swears that’s not the case and to be fair she hasn’t acted like I am. I want to forget everything and move on I just don’t know how.I also know it hurts her as well because she feels I’ll never Love her like I did before she told me. I just need help. Anything will be greatly appreciated. Thanks….Anon James

    1. Hi Anonymous James,
      You’re the only one who can decide if you want to move past her past.
      You know the truth about her feelings for you.
      You also know she didn’t use you as her escape or rebound.
      Nobody can help you choose what you’re okay with.
      So if you can’t look past her last relationship, you can let her go.
      That’s all I have to say.
      I wish you all the best.
      xx, Bree.

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